THIS IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL!
by Susan Popplewell
Summary: After her owner leaves, Chloe goes to the fridge...only to find it padlocked.


_**Disclaimer: Wish I had come up with the movie.**_

" 'Bye, Chloe," my owner says as she shuts the door to go to work or wherever those dumb humans went everyday. But, I reflect as I whack my bowl of cat food out of the way with a disdainful glance, my owner's isn't dumb – just average intelligence. After all, she doesn't understand what I say – and she doesn't give me any of those chocolate mousses that she bought earlier.

Which is utter sacrilege.

Ah, well. At least now I can have them all to myself.

I arrive at the fridge. "WHAT!?"

The fridge was padlocked shut.

Now THAT'S against the Constitution. I have rights!

Climbing up onto the bench right next to the fridge, I narrow my eyes at the padlock, trying to figure out a way to open it. How do the humans do it?

I get into an attack position and let out a ferocious growl. There, that'll scare it off! What? Oh, come on! Do I need to spell it out? You come off when the humans want you to.

Is there a magic word? Please? No! Not saying that.

I bite it.

Try pulling it off with my paws.

Attack it with my claws.

Even try the set of keys hanging on a hook nearby.

Nothing works.

Then I have a bright idea. I jump onto the floor and climb out a window and up the green ladder on the side of the building to Buddy's apartment. The window is open and he's napping _in the mixing bowl!?_ "Psst!"

He doesn't stir.

"Psst! Buddy!" He opens his eyes and yawns. Yes! Then rolls onto his other side and continues napping.

Okay.

"BALL!"

"What? Ball? Where?" Buddy shouts as his legs start scrambling in his sleep. I face-palm.

"It was taken by a squirrel," I reply.

His eyes shot open and he jumps out of the bowl. "WHAT!? A squirrel? Now they're stealing our stuff! Oh, my goodness! Quick, Chloe," and he dashes over to me, looking at me with intent urgency, "what did it look like? Which direction did it go in?"

"Follow me," and with that I turn around and climb back down the stairs with Buddy in tow. Seriously, though, after this I am _not _getting any exercise again for a whole year. Entering my apartment I climb back onto the bench top and point to the padlock. "It's in here. With the ball."

Buddy side-glances at me. "So...how did _you _trap them in there?"

Ah. Right. "Let's just say...I barely made it out alive," I reply. He gives me a skeptical 'you?' look, but stays silent. "Now, I lost the keys to the padlock and I need you to help me figure out a way in here."

"Right." Buddy cocks his head and studiously studies the lock. "Well, looks pretty heavy duty. Nothing a dog can't handle." And he stretched and yawned and _turns around?!_

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Going to get my owner's stash of fireworks!" he calls back and quickly disappears up to his apartment. Fireworks? I shrug. Could work. After all, the humans will never now, will they? After a few minutes, Buddy comes back dragging a stash of fireworks and dynamite. Oh, and a packet of matches.

"Dynamite?" Wait, why would the owner have that?

"Yeah," Buddy said casually. "In case the fireworks don't work."

Oh. Sounds reasonable.

Buddy pushes some of the fireworks around the padlock, making sure they are secure. He then opens the packet of matches and pulls one out, lighting it and then lit the fuse.

"Wait, you realize we're going to have to put the padlock back on afterwards?" I point out.

Buddy shrugs. "Yeah."

We both then turn and try blowing out the burning fuse.

Then the fireworks go off.

Buddy jumps into the mixing bowl to hide. Something explodes near me. I jump right in after him. "Your claws are sticking into my fur!" Buddy shouts.

There's another explosion.

Then everything falls silent.

Peeking over the edge of the bowl, I gasp. "It's open!" I exclaim and scramble out of the bowl and run to the open fridge.

It's completely empty.

No!

"Uh, Chloe?" Buddy said. He sounds strangely panicked.

"What?" I sigh and turn to him.

Only to see the blackened walls, knocked over and smashed vase, broken photo frames, and smouldering curtains.

"How are we going to clean this up before your owner comes home?" Buddy asks.

**THE END**


End file.
